Trump: The Porno

It’s finally here. The porno nobody has been waiting for. TRUMP: The Porno

Popular smut-site, Porngrabbers.com found and purchased the rights to a home-made, amateur pornographic movie of President Trump from 1978. Trump was 32 years old at the time.

Democrats and Liberals all over the country are both excited and disgusted by the thought of this video. However, they all feel this could be the final nail in ‘The Donald’s’ presidential coffin. Porngrabbers.com will be releasing it to the public in a pay-per-view format later this month. Hackers have already made successful attempts at stealing the video and a few sites have leaked it on the internet. The White House is scrambling to take these down as quick as possible and prosecute anybody who is hosting or distributing the video.

This writer (unfortunately) caught a glimpse of the video. Below is a brief overview of what you might see.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

The video starts with Mr. Trump coming out of a hotel restroom in a white bathrobe. He grabs the phone and orders a steak (medium rare), a bottle of red wine and an ice cream sundae from room service. The video then transitions to 30 minutes later when there is a knock on door. Trump answers the door to see two scantily dressed female hotel workers with his food order. One woman is an Ivana look-a-like named Ivana Bumps and the other, a brunette named Sarah Lee Tinkles.  They come into the room and start hand-feeding the food into Donald’s gaping butthole-shaped mouth. One of them spills a little ice cream onto his chest, slides her hand inside the robe and things get started.

Throughout the video Trump is constantly talking about how his penis is the biggest and greatest thing that they will ever see. Some of his sexy dialogue includes: “My penis is yuuuge”, “God made my hands small so he can use the extra skin for my dick.”, and “The hair down there is just as fantastic as up here.” I couldn’t watch the whole 5 minute video without getting sick, so I skipped to the end.

The oddest part of the video is that Trump never engages in intercourse with these women. The women get naked and are touching him, but Trump climaxes simply by talking about how great he is. The money shot occurs as he is rubbing his own nipples and screaming his own name, “TRUUUUMP! I AM TRUUUUMP!”

While it is not illegal to make a pornographic video, this does not bode well for Trump and his legacy. If his team cannot stop this from being released to the general  public, it will be interesting to see what happens. Expect more protests and calls for his resignation or impeachment.

I was unable to sleep last night.

 

*In case you couldn’t tell by the magic donkey mascot at the top of the page,  this article is satirical in nature. Trump…please leave me and my family alone! All Hail Trump! TRUMP!

 

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http://nothingrelevant.com/2017/02/07/trump-the-porno/

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