Some people believe that hundreds of thousands of years ago, man evolved from the monkey. Of course, not everyone believes in evolution. There will always be that debate of Creationism versus Darwinism. Personally, I don’t care which is right, it doesn’t change the fact that when I have an itch, I scratch it.

Well, for the purpose of this article…let’s say that man DID evolve from the monkey. It sure did take a long time for us to get to where we are today.

So what is next for man? How will he evolve from the creature that he is today? It’s true, Brad Pitt may be perfect NOW, but would he be able to survive in the year 5150 or beyond?

In the future, man will have to be bigger, stronger, faster and smarter than ever before in order to survive. When this happens, will our simple minds be able to control our superior bodies? The answer: No. Somehow man will need to evolve and find a way to continue on as the most dominate creature on the planet.


The Evolution Solution

How many times have you heard a woman say that men think with their “other heads” or a man say that his penis “has a mind of its own”. Well….what if it did?!?

The answer is simple: The Pelvic Brain! Picture it—a centrally located brain—nestled nicely inside the pelvic bone.

Information Super Highway

The organs that are currently in the midsection of the human body will make room for the Pelvic Brain (also cleverly known as the CIA or Central Intelligence Area). With the brain centralized in the human body—the brain can send signals to all extremities quicker than before. Right now if you just want to wiggle your pinky toe…the brain has to send a signal from the top of your head ALL THE WAY DOWN to your toe. For the average male, that is almost 6 feet that the signal and synapses have to travel. If you cut that distance in half, that little piggy will get to the market in half the time!

All of our reflexes will be faster. Athletes of the future will make all the Michael Phelps and Mike Trouts’ of today’s world look like common slugs.

The Pelvic Brain can monitor the heart more closely. Regulating the heartbeats and telling our bodies when to stop in a more timely fashion. Which means that we will be able to push are bodies to an extreme the likes of which have never been seen.

Getting Warmer

Being housed around the stomach, kidneys, and intestines—not to mention muscles, fat, skin, and all your clothes—the Pelvic Brain will be considerably warmer than that of our head-encased brains. Goodbye brain freeze—hello Dairy Queen. The current record holder for eating ice cream is Patrick Bertoletti who ate 1.75 gallons of ice cream in 8 minutes. That record wouldn’t make the local county fair’s semi-finals. What a joke.

Safety First

For years, I have been watching goofy cop movies that showcase the hero putting on a bullet proof vest before his encounter with the bad guy. The first thing that I always say is “JUST SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE!” This particular safety procedure will make more sense in the future as that vest will cover ALL the important organs.  It won’t matter if the James Bond of the time gets shot in his beautiful face…’just throw a band-aid over that bullet-hole, Officer Johnson…you’re gonna be fine!’

Smart Thinking

Would there be a downside to the Pelvic Brain? I can’t think of any. Sure getting kicked in the groin might hurt a little more…causing major brain-aches, but you can get kicked in the head now…no difference. Besides, you’ll be able to move out of the way faster with your new faster reflexes.

Space for Rent

What to do with that empty space where the old brain used to be? Well, who said that the man of the future would only have 1 brain? Maybe—with a second brain— both noodles can act in tandem (like 2 guys in a full-size donkey suit). One brain can operate the lower half and the other can operate the top. Man of the future would be unstoppable.

Think about it…if your inferior mind can handle it!

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